Entertainer | Professional Goofball | Content Creator and Host of the Infotainment #YouTube Series ⚡️ARISTOTLE | FULL THROTTLE⚡
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Keanu Reeves Saves The World!... Again!
Has anyone ever noticed that Keanu Reeves' is always the moronic messiah?
Of course in all 3 Matrices, Reeves wears a nice suit and is THE ONE... He enters the Matrix, by sitting in a chair and sticking a huge probing adapter into his vacuous melon.
You see when you enter the matrix, you appear as your "Residual Self Image" which is basically a subjective view of oneself. Apparently every thinks they should be wearing a designer trenchcoat and sunglasses.
The Day The Earth Stood Still - Reeves sits in a chair then cheats a lie detector test. He then puts on a nice suit that he needs to wear in order to save the earth from a giant bubble and a swarm of tiny robot bees.
Alex Winter teams up with Keanu Reeves in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. They become the unlikely future saviors of the galaxy. I love this movie and its underrated sequel.
In Bogus Journey the dumbnamic duo re-teams to literally cheat death so that they can fulfill their density.
Okay so now we start to enter the land of Keanu the techno hero in a nice suit. In Johnny Mnemonic, he's THE ONE who has to carry vital information to save the world from an epidemic. He does this by wearing a nice suit, sitting in a chair and downloading the information into his big empty head.
Of course in all 3 Matrices, Reeves wears a nice suit and is THE ONE... He enters the Matrix, by sitting in a chair and sticking a huge probing adapter into his vacuous melon.
(Reeves has a natural talent for appearing more wooden than the chairs he sits in.)
The movie Constantine is kind of a mash up between the Matrix and the Devil's Advocate... let's just call it "Johnny Demonic" for argument's sake... Keanu is THE ONE who has to save the world from evil by sitting in a chair while wearing a nice suit and stabbing himself with a huge probing... light bulb? So that he can enter the hell matrix and cheat death from aliens.Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Facial Transplant Surgery!
So this business about facial transplant surgery is one of the coolest things ever.
For someone who has lost the will to leave their home for fear of being ostracized because of a facial abnormality, this
Connie Culp, First American woman to undergo facial transplant surgery.
I understand that for years this type of surgery was banned all over the world! Why on earth would we deny people the chance to live a normal life?
Is the fear that young people will be killed for their youthful faces? Is that the future of plastic surger? Will we clone ourselves and replace our old parts with new ones? One can only wonder with such modern breakthroughs.
People who have been severely disfigured are now afforded a new outlook on life.
How cool is that?
For someone who has lost the will to leave their home for fear of being ostracized because of a facial abnormality, this
Connie Culp, First American woman to undergo facial transplant surgery.
I understand that for years this type of surgery was banned all over the world! Why on earth would we deny people the chance to live a normal life?
Is the fear that young people will be killed for their youthful faces? Is that the future of plastic surger? Will we clone ourselves and replace our old parts with new ones? One can only wonder with such modern breakthroughs.
People who have been severely disfigured are now afforded a new outlook on life.
How cool is that?
TV's 50 Funniest Phrases on NBC
So last night I was watching hours of mindless tv, which included a 2 hour special of the supposed top 50 funniest tv phrases ever. Some classics were Steve Erkle's "Did I do that? from Family Matters to Southpark's "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" to one of my favorites which is Homer's classic "D'oh!"
Since last nights special aired on NBC, it was blatantly biased to the point of absurdity. For instatnce, "That's what she said!" from NBC's The Office is supposed to be one of the funniest lines ever uttered on television.
REALLY?!
That's just something I heard all the time growing up and in no way do I associate it with Steve Carell! Although he is a brilliant comic actor, that line is not original.
It seemed like every other catch phrase was from an NBC show like Seinfeld, Friends, or SNL.
Taking the top spot was, not surprisingly, yet another NBC show, Seinfeld's classic line "Yada, Yada, Yada."
The producers of the show picked some decent phrases , where the hell were the REAL classic lines??? Like Gary Colemen's brilliant delivery of "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
Since last nights special aired on NBC, it was blatantly biased to the point of absurdity. For instatnce, "That's what she said!" from NBC's The Office is supposed to be one of the funniest lines ever uttered on television.
REALLY?!
That's just something I heard all the time growing up and in no way do I associate it with Steve Carell! Although he is a brilliant comic actor, that line is not original.
It seemed like every other catch phrase was from an NBC show like Seinfeld, Friends, or SNL.
Taking the top spot was, not surprisingly, yet another NBC show, Seinfeld's classic line "Yada, Yada, Yada."
The producers of the show picked some decent phrases , where the hell were the REAL classic lines??? Like Gary Colemen's brilliant delivery of "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
Seriously? That got overlooked when compiling this list? If I'm not mistaken, Diff'rent Strokes a classic NBC show!
And how the hell can anyone put together a list of funniest TV phrases without including Jimmy Walker's "DYN-O-MITE!"
Cheers has got to be one of the greatest NBC sitcoms ever, and they forgot "NORRRRM!?"
What the hell?
Sheesh, what a debacle! Now that summertime is here, I guess I'll have to put up with this awful, no budget programming!
50. “Hello, Newman” from “Seinfeld”
49. “Missed it by that much” from “Get Smart”
48. “Yeah, that’s the ticket” from “Saturday Night Live”
47. “God’ll get you for that” from “Maude”
46. “Hey, Hey, Hey” from “What’s Happening”
45. “Holy crap” from “Everybody Loves Raymond”
44. “Let me show you something” from “In Living Color”
43. “Nip it” from “The Andy Griffith Show”
42. “Thank you beddy much” from “Taxi”
41. “Do you wanna hug it out” from “Entourage”
40. “Watch it sucka” from “Sanford and Son”
39. “Jane you ignorant slut” from “Saturday Night Live”
38. “Mom liked you best” from “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”
37. “Sit on it” from “Happy Days”
36. “Now cut that out” from “The Jack Benny Comedy Program”
35. “I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl…” from “Newhart”
34. “What you see is what you get” from “The Flip Wilson Show”
33. “I’ve made a huge mistake” from “Arrested Development”
32. “I know nothing” from “Hogan’s Heroes”
31. “Here come de judge” from “Laugh In”
30. “You look marvelous” from “Saturday Night Live”
29. “I’m comin’ to join ya Elizabeth” from “Sanford and Son”
28. “Would you believe” from “Get Smart”
27. “Up your nose with a rubber hose” from “Welcome Back Kotter”
26. “Ohhhh Rob” from “The Dick Van Dyke Show”
25. “Kiss my grits” from “Alice:
24. “Nanu, Nanu” from “Mork and Mindy”
23. “Don’t be ridiculous” from “Perfect Strangers”
22. “I’m Gumby, damn it” from “Saturday Night Live”
21. “No soup for you” from “Seinfeld”
20. “One of these days, pow right in the kisser” from “The Honeymooners”
19. “Did I do that” from “Family Matters”
18. “Will you stifle” from “All in the Family”
17. “Eat my shorts” from “The Simpsons”
16. “Hated it” from “In Living Color”
15. “Well isn’t that special” from “Saturday Night Live”
14. “Sock it to me” from “Laugh In”
13. “We were on a break” from “Friends”
12. “That’s what she said” from “The Office”
11. “It’s going to be legendary” from “How I Met Your Mother”
10. “Homey don’t play dat” from “In Living Color”
9. “Excuuse me” from “Saturday Night Live”
8. “Lucy, you’ve got some splainin’ to do” from “I Love Lucy” (even though he never said it quite that way – the closest he came was “Lucy, splain” and “All right, start splainin’”)
7. “Oh my god! They killed Kenny” from “South Park”
6. “Burn” from “That ‘70s Show”
5. “We are two wild and crazy guys” from “Saturday Night Live”
4. “Ayyyy” from “Happy Days”
3. “How you doin’” from “Friends”
2. “D’oh” from “The Simpsons”
1. “Yada, yada, yada” from “Seinfeld”
And how the hell can anyone put together a list of funniest TV phrases without including Jimmy Walker's "DYN-O-MITE!"
Cheers has got to be one of the greatest NBC sitcoms ever, and they forgot "NORRRRM!?"
What the hell?
Sheesh, what a debacle! Now that summertime is here, I guess I'll have to put up with this awful, no budget programming!
50. “Hello, Newman” from “Seinfeld”
49. “Missed it by that much” from “Get Smart”
48. “Yeah, that’s the ticket” from “Saturday Night Live”
47. “God’ll get you for that” from “Maude”
46. “Hey, Hey, Hey” from “What’s Happening”
45. “Holy crap” from “Everybody Loves Raymond”
44. “Let me show you something” from “In Living Color”
43. “Nip it” from “The Andy Griffith Show”
42. “Thank you beddy much” from “Taxi”
41. “Do you wanna hug it out” from “Entourage”
40. “Watch it sucka” from “Sanford and Son”
39. “Jane you ignorant slut” from “Saturday Night Live”
38. “Mom liked you best” from “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”
37. “Sit on it” from “Happy Days”
36. “Now cut that out” from “The Jack Benny Comedy Program”
35. “I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl…” from “Newhart”
34. “What you see is what you get” from “The Flip Wilson Show”
33. “I’ve made a huge mistake” from “Arrested Development”
32. “I know nothing” from “Hogan’s Heroes”
31. “Here come de judge” from “Laugh In”
30. “You look marvelous” from “Saturday Night Live”
29. “I’m comin’ to join ya Elizabeth” from “Sanford and Son”
28. “Would you believe” from “Get Smart”
27. “Up your nose with a rubber hose” from “Welcome Back Kotter”
26. “Ohhhh Rob” from “The Dick Van Dyke Show”
25. “Kiss my grits” from “Alice:
24. “Nanu, Nanu” from “Mork and Mindy”
23. “Don’t be ridiculous” from “Perfect Strangers”
22. “I’m Gumby, damn it” from “Saturday Night Live”
21. “No soup for you” from “Seinfeld”
20. “One of these days, pow right in the kisser” from “The Honeymooners”
19. “Did I do that” from “Family Matters”
18. “Will you stifle” from “All in the Family”
17. “Eat my shorts” from “The Simpsons”
16. “Hated it” from “In Living Color”
15. “Well isn’t that special” from “Saturday Night Live”
14. “Sock it to me” from “Laugh In”
13. “We were on a break” from “Friends”
12. “That’s what she said” from “The Office”
11. “It’s going to be legendary” from “How I Met Your Mother”
10. “Homey don’t play dat” from “In Living Color”
9. “Excuuse me” from “Saturday Night Live”
8. “Lucy, you’ve got some splainin’ to do” from “I Love Lucy” (even though he never said it quite that way – the closest he came was “Lucy, splain” and “All right, start splainin’”)
7. “Oh my god! They killed Kenny” from “South Park”
6. “Burn” from “That ‘70s Show”
5. “We are two wild and crazy guys” from “Saturday Night Live”
4. “Ayyyy” from “Happy Days”
3. “How you doin’” from “Friends”
2. “D’oh” from “The Simpsons”
1. “Yada, yada, yada” from “Seinfeld”
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Woo Who?! ...I wanna take his face -- off
I am a fan of face transplant surgery. The advancements in modern surgery are helping the quality of life for so many in need.
Of course with every great leap forward in humanity there's a major setback, like the John Woo flick "FACE/OFF." Woo has a knack for filming very cool action sequences but alas, a flying slow motion shootout does not a movie make.
Why this type of facial surgery was banned and how Nicholas Cage keeps getting work are among the great quandaries of man. To give someone back an identity has got to be one of the greatest achievements in medical history.
People undergo this extensive surgery are able to get their lives back! People who take the time to watch Face/Off will never get those two hours back.
The mind has to wonder, will the nose jobs of the future be complete nose replacements? Will the cadavers of dead supermodels be sold on the black market? Will Nicholas Cage ever make a good action movie? I'm doubtful on that last one, but hopeful that this will open the doors wider for stem cell research and more surgeries of this kind.
I am a fan of face transplant surgery. The advancements in modern surgery are helping the quality of life for so many in need.
Of course with every great leap forward in humanity there's a major setback, like the John Woo flick "FACE/OFF." Woo has a knack for filming very cool action sequences but alas, a flying slow motion shootout does not a movie make.
Why this type of facial surgery was banned and how Nicholas Cage keeps getting work are among the great quandaries of man. To give someone back an identity has got to be one of the greatest achievements in medical history.
People undergo this extensive surgery are able to get their lives back! People who take the time to watch Face/Off will never get those two hours back.
The mind has to wonder, will the nose jobs of the future be complete nose replacements? Will the cadavers of dead supermodels be sold on the black market? Will Nicholas Cage ever make a good action movie? I'm doubtful on that last one, but hopeful that this will open the doors wider for stem cell research and more surgeries of this kind.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Amercian Idol Finale
Kris Allen wins! He was clearly as shocked as the rest of us by this announcement at the end of last night's American Idol Finale. He was by no means favored to win, but he seemed to have beat all of the odds and come out victorious.
A couple of my favorite moments of the show were Norman Gentle's antics and when Kara DioGuardi showed up to out-sing and out-bikini Bikini Girl herself!
About an hour after Kris' surprise win, my excitement subsided. I began to wonder how Kris could have won when he is clearly not as skilled a performer as Adam nor is he as dynamic a singer. I can't help but sense that the outcome is a result of American homophobia. I believe that even if there was only a small percentage of people who voted against Adam because he is gay, it was probably enough to skew the vote in Kris' favor.
This thought has stuck with me. Even though I don't like Adam's melodramatic style and false modesty, I can clearly see that he is more seasoned than Kris and by all accounts should have been the victor. It seems to me that this is just another manifestation of modern society's unwillingness to accept yet another minority group.
Gay is the new Black.
Newsflash, America: Gay people exist! They have always been here and they always will be! Get over yourself if you think that they should not be afforded the same privileges, accolades and rights as someone else trying just as hard.
I am still happy that Kris won because I think he's a great talent. He has a sincere connection with music and plenty of room to grow as a musician/performer. I am just saddened at the revelation that perhaps America itself may still have a long way to grow.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
American Idle
This Wednesday marks the season 8 finale of American Idol, and I sure as hell hope that Adam Lambert doesn't win.
But all the hope that I can muster won't be able to stop the inevitable...
I really think he's a talented singer and performer but I just can't stand all of the theatrics! When this guy hits the stage it's like watching Grease or the Rocky Horror Picture Show... Now to some of you that may sound like a fun time...But me, I just can't stand it! I'm allowed to despise musical theater having participated in it all throughout high school!
Lambert's performance of U2's ONE was completely bizarre to me. I am utterly baffled as to why the judges thought it was brilliant. He totally changed the melody in the second half of the song! WTF??? You can embellish a melody, but to just make up a new one??? It sounded like he was stomping on a cat.
Irritating.
I hate to poo poo Adam's popularity, but this season was probably the best group of talent all along the way. (I've seen just about every episode since the second season - I really wanted Clay to win back then, Rueben was soooo boring!) Alison, Danny and even Kris were all fun to watch and great contenders, but I see why Adam will win... I just don't want him to!
It really doesn't matter who wins at this stage of the game. The show, the judging and the voting has pretty much been rendered useless. It's pretty clear that all of the remaining contestants are going to get record contracts regardless what happens. It's obvious that the Judges (Simon, Paula, Randy and that other one) don't even care about the competition any more and spend more time wrestling each other off camera than they do talking about the performances!
I've been amused that Paula has basically been using the show as a vehicle for her own absurdities. Her wierdo behavior and inability to form complete sentences is what makes the show so fun. It's not just a train wreck when she opens her mouth, it's more like watching a plane crashing into a train full of cars on a boat! But I do love her. She's like a little lovable puppy that keeps peeing on the carpet.
I hope Kris Allen can rally the troops where he's from in Arkansas and miraculously pull out a win. He's very crafty and definitely the dark horse of the competition.
I just can't stand Adam Lambert... but he's really good... but I hate him.
(They should have offered him a role in the new Star Trek)
I really think he's a talented singer and performer but I just can't stand all of the theatrics! When this guy hits the stage it's like watching Grease or the Rocky Horror Picture Show... Now to some of you that may sound like a fun time...But me, I just can't stand it! I'm allowed to despise musical theater having participated in it all throughout high school!
Lambert's performance of U2's ONE was completely bizarre to me. I am utterly baffled as to why the judges thought it was brilliant. He totally changed the melody in the second half of the song! WTF??? You can embellish a melody, but to just make up a new one??? It sounded like he was stomping on a cat.
Irritating.
I hate to poo poo Adam's popularity, but this season was probably the best group of talent all along the way. (I've seen just about every episode since the second season - I really wanted Clay to win back then, Rueben was soooo boring!) Alison, Danny and even Kris were all fun to watch and great contenders, but I see why Adam will win... I just don't want him to!
It really doesn't matter who wins at this stage of the game. The show, the judging and the voting has pretty much been rendered useless. It's pretty clear that all of the remaining contestants are going to get record contracts regardless what happens. It's obvious that the Judges (Simon, Paula, Randy and that other one) don't even care about the competition any more and spend more time wrestling each other off camera than they do talking about the performances!
I've been amused that Paula has basically been using the show as a vehicle for her own absurdities. Her wierdo behavior and inability to form complete sentences is what makes the show so fun. It's not just a train wreck when she opens her mouth, it's more like watching a plane crashing into a train full of cars on a boat! But I do love her. She's like a little lovable puppy that keeps peeing on the carpet.
I hope Kris Allen can rally the troops where he's from in Arkansas and miraculously pull out a win. He's very crafty and definitely the dark horse of the competition.
I just can't stand Adam Lambert... but he's really good... but I hate him.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Terminator Salivation
Terminator: Salvation comes out this month and even though they are hyping the hell out of it, I can't say that I'm itching to see it. I know that sounds shocking, being the scifi dork that I am but Terminator 3 was a total abomination.
I honestly couldn't stomach that one. It took everything that James Cameron and Arnold Schwarzenegger created and just peed all over it.
I remember laughing out loud in the theater at this scene, which is a blatant commercial for the weight loss supplement Xenadrine!!!
Since James Cameron ceased to be involved with the series after T2, I doubt any subsequent sequels will be any good. Special effects artist Stan Winston recently passed away so his unique creature design will also be noticeably absent... and I'm sure there will be no room for Michael Bein...
Btw, why does Michael Bein always play a frickin' military dude?
Terminator as Kyle Reese: Soldier of the Future
Aliens as Cpl. Dwayne Hicks: See previous description
The Abyss as Lt. Hiram Coffey: The Crazy Navy Seal
NAVY Seals as Lt. James Curran: The Teen Beat NAVY Seal
The Rock as Commander Anderson: Military Commander
I remember laughing out loud in the theater at this scene, which is a blatant commercial for the weight loss supplement Xenadrine!!!
Seriously guys? Terminator 2:Judgement Day is the holy grail of scifi/action and this is how you follow it up?
Since James Cameron ceased to be involved with the series after T2, I doubt any subsequent sequels will be any good. Special effects artist Stan Winston recently passed away so his unique creature design will also be noticeably absent... and I'm sure there will be no room for Michael Bein...
Btw, why does Michael Bein always play a frickin' military dude?
Terminator as Kyle Reese: Soldier of the Future
Aliens as Cpl. Dwayne Hicks: See previous description
The Abyss as Lt. Hiram Coffey: The Crazy Navy Seal
NAVY Seals as Lt. James Curran: The Teen Beat NAVY Seal
The Rock as Commander Anderson: Military Commander
So yeah, like I was saying, I can't wait to go see the new Terminator movie!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Shatn'er Get Off The Pot
********** NERD ALERT -**********
If you don't want to be exposed to absolute Geekery, quit reading now.
I went to see the highly anticipated, hyper-hyped, hipper revamp of Star Trek on opening weekend and I loved every minute of it! I definitely consider myself a bit of a trekker, though I must say I've never owned a pair of Spock ears nor have I gone to a convention... but this movie gave me geek chills all the way through! :)
Seeing these characters re-imagined was initially hard for me to swallow but irresistibly intriguing at the same time. Though I must admit, from the look of the cast I thought they would end up making 90210 in space. The writers of this flick and the new cast really brought all new depth the the characters we know and love. Each had their own moment to shine and really demonstrated why they are the interstellar dream team.
It was great to see Nimoy again, but what, no Shatner? Really? C'mon! I know it would not have make sense and would just be over indulgent, but why the hell not???
While developing this flick the filmmakers decided to go ahead and bring back Nimoy's Spock, and leave Shatner's Kirk out. (haha "Kirk out!") Apparently Shatner flipped his wig when he heard this.
I love Nimoy but having him without Shanter is like having a peanut butter sandwich without the fried banana!
Star Trek is the house that Shatner built! What gives?! I mean he is THE icon of intergalactic, egotistic overacting!
"He's dead, Jim!" Listen, I know Kirk was killed in STVII, but they brought Spock back from the dead STIII: The Search For Spock!!! If the crew can travel through time (Star Treks IV, VIII AND XI), why the FRAK can't they find a way to bring Kirk back? (Sorry to get your sci-fi wires crossed on that one...) Can't they just beam him into the movie?
As a fan of movies I was overly sated, though as a Trekker I was a tad bummed that JJ Abrams decided to create an alternate universe that ostensibly foregoes everything we know.
You mean to tell me that Kirk won't have trouble with Tribbles or get to scream "KAAAAAAAAAHN!" the way it's supposed to happen? It's doubtful that this new crew of actors will be able to recreate moments of such epic awkwardness in subsequent films. They're all a bit too cool and good looking, though I am stoked to see what new adventures they embark on!
Cross-referencing the minutia from TV episodes and the Trek Movies is what makes being a trekker so damn fun! So what to do now that it's all been revamped? Get a girlfriend, I suppose.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Beautarded Prettiots
This post is dedicated to celebrities whose good looks are matched only by their dim wits. :)
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is the funniest person on The View, even though she doesn't know it.
Miss California Carrie Prejean is a primary example of someone who exercises freedumb of speech.
If Chad Michael Murray were to get into a boxing match with a brick... I'm sure Chad would get a few good punches in, but the brick would win on strategy.
If you measure Kim Kardashian's booty with a tape measure, you come up with a number higher than her IQ.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is the funniest person on The View, even though she doesn't know it.
Miss California Carrie Prejean is a primary example of someone who exercises freedumb of speech.
If Chad Michael Murray were to get into a boxing match with a brick... I'm sure Chad would get a few good punches in, but the brick would win on strategy.
******* TOTAL REVERSAL! *******
Strike that, reverse it! Lady Gaga makes crafty pop music and is a genius self promoter, but there is no getting around the fact that she's a buh-buh-buh-butterface, buh-buh-butterface... (That's so mean, I know... my apologies... too bad she can't apologize for her face. Sorry!)
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